Not Yet Mommy

The long journey towards parenthood…

Missed Wordless Wednesday because I have too many words… August 26, 2010

Filed under: Personal Post — Stephanie Marie @ 9:03 pm

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My Sarah and I.

I started this blog to chronicle my journey to becoming a mother, from the before, to the during, to the after. I chose the name “Notyetmommy” because I had hope of one day becoming a mother and, at the time, I knew it would happen one day, but now I’m not so sure. I will caveat this by saying that I have by no means been told that I am infertile or that my husband and I will not have children, but I have this feeling. Call it woman’s intuition or just cold feet at the thought of being a parent, but I have this strange feeling in my gut that I will never fulfill my dream of becoming a mother.

I often find myself crying, and it’s gotten to the point where I’m never entirely sure if I’m crying out of joy, sadness, happiness, or defeat. My husband has forbidden me from watching things that he knows will make me cry (i.e., ASPCA commercials and anything dealing with Extreme Makeover: Home Edition), but I find that nearly everything makes me cry. I cry when Harold Crick lives in “Stranger Than Fiction.” I cry when I hold certain children at the center. I cry when I get frustrated with the dog, or about the cat hating me. I cry when I read, when I type, when I write, and when I do dishes and no one else is around.

I’m not entirely sure if I’m crying about not being pregnant or if I have some kind of hormonal imbalance, or even if I’m making up for being so emotionless sometimes.

I cry when I think about Sarah, but I know why I cry then. I cry because I’ve never loved anything so much in my entire life and I never knew that it was possible to love someone so much. Maybe it’s because I love her parents so much and I consider them part of the family that God created for me, or because I have absolutely no doubt that she is a miracle and I feel so unworthy to get to know and love her. The only thing I know is that I cry happy when I am around her. I cry hope.

I hope that my feeling is wrong and that I will get to be a mother one day. I hope I get to feel the kicking, and the feet in the ribs, and the heartburn, and the nausea. I hope I get to feel what it’s like to burst with love and to bring a life into the world. I hope I do not become jaded by seeing how unhappy so many parents are or discouraged with the trying. I hope that my planning and praying and hoping isn’t in vain. I hope that God’s answer to my pleas to be a mother isn’t “No.”

 

Sunday Savings! August 15, 2010

Filed under: Savings Angel,Savings Sunday — Stephanie Marie @ 3:48 pm
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Today may have been my best haul yet with Savings Angel, but before I share my savings, I would just like to address a specific criticism I hear all the time: It’s not really saving you any money if it’s not stuff you would buy anyway. I disagree. Before using Savings Angel my husband and I would really have to pick and choose what we were going to eat each week as we were having a hard time making ends meet. Our monthly grocery budget was about $250 (which is the same now), but that would basically mean that we were eating ramen noodles, boxed dinners, and cheap-o lunch meat so that we would have enough money to buy essentials like bread and milk, toiletries (which we had to cheap out on as well), and paper products. It seemed as though there was never anything to eat in the apartment and we routinely ran out of toilet paper or paper towels and had to find ways to make due until we could afford what we needed.

It may seem hard to believe, but that all changed with Savings Angel. We have about the same budget for groceries every month, but almost never use it all, which, for the first time in our marriage, has allowed us to put a little money into savings or pay extra on bills. We no longer have to buy the cheaply made, who knows what’s in this, sodium filled, fat filled food that we were once buying, and the money that we save on groceries we can stock up on allows us to buy good meat during our supplemental shopping trips. Add into that the fact that I now have so much stocked up that I don’t need to go grocery shopping next month, except for things like milk and meat. THAT is a good feeling! I love knowing that it won’t be such a struggle to make it and that we’ll have food to last us. Another perk? This was the first shopping trip in the last 8 months that I’ve had to buy toilet paper; we still haven’t had to buy paper towel. I love not being a slave to the store!

One more thing… If you think using Savings Angel means that you’re going to lose hours upon hours of your time having to clip coupons and go store to store, that’s not the case. Granted, I’m not as organized as I should be with my coupons (and I’ll fix that soon, I swear), but I save time shopping this way. I only pick one or two stores to shop at any given weekend (I only shopped at Winn-Dixie this time around), and organizing my coupons only takes about 20 minutes (it’d be less if Savings Angel featured all of Winn-Dixie’s sales like it does for other stores, but I’m not complaining). Because I shop with a list and I know all of the sales ahead of time, I can avoid impulse purchases and I don’t wander around aisles. The longest part of the whole task is seriously checking out and having to wait for the cashier to get done with my coupons. Never fails.

OK, on to my savings:
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Hopefully that’s easier to read than last time.

As always, if you have any questions about how you can save your family tons of money using Savings Angel, feel free to ask me. If you’d like to try Savings Angel and get 30 days free, use my affiliate number to sign up! There’s a 30 day money back guarantee too, so if you don’t like it, you’re not out anything!

Cut Your Grocery Bill. Guaranteed.
Click here to check it out!
(This will automatically input my affiliate number for you)

 

Wordless Wednesday: I look at things to come (hopefully). August 11, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Stephanie Marie @ 2:19 pm

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Since my old scores have expired.

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A school with the exact program I want?! And in Tennessee!

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The view

 

The single pink line of doom! August 9, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Stephanie Marie @ 3:10 pm

Sorry I missed my Sunday Savings post, but I spent the day huddled over the porcelain thrown, spilling my guts, so to speak. I have been nauseous, and heart burny, and generally yuck feeling for over a week now. I’ve had twinges and cramps and no PMS symptoms. This has lead to hope and anxiety and to the pregnancy test I took just minutes ago.

It was negative.

I won’t lie, I’ve quite sick of seeing a single pink line every time that I test. I’m sick of hoping and praying to get pregnant every month, only to be shot down by the fertility gods. I’m sick of people telling me that when I stop thinking about it, it will happen. How do I stop thinking about it?!

*Sigh*

I don’t even know what else to write.

 

If you can’t join ’em… August 5, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Stephanie Marie @ 3:54 pm

The past few weeks have been hard for me as friend after friend has announced that they’re expecting. It’s hard to be happy for others when all I ever think about is being a mom, but when one of my best friends, a woman whom I consider a sister, told me that she’s pregnant I decided it was time to stop throwing myself the pity party and be truly happy for someone. I won’t lie, this attitude has been significantly easier by the heartburn and nausea I’ve been experiencing over the past week, but I digress.

It wouldn’t take a genius to know that I get excited about babies. I like to buy gifts and make little things to help out the new parents and I love the prospect of the one little thing I make/give to the baby may one day be their favorite object. I also love to plan things, and this is what got me thinking: what is it that makes parents choose a theme for their nursery?

Hubband and I bought baby bedding a while back, while it was on clearance, but we had already decided that we like owls, so that’s what we were going with. As we went on building the baby box the idea of our one day nursery went from owls to all things woodland, and that’s what we’ve gone with, regardless of having future sons or future daughters. This newly expecting friend of mine has already decided that she will not ask the sex of the child and will be surprised when he/she is born, so, how to decorate?

I know it really doesn’t matter in the giant scheme of a child’s life, and while the world has changed into a place where it’s OK for boys to occasionally wear pink and it’s commonplace to see little girls in blue, something tells me it might be a touch odd to put a little boy in a room with pink and purple butterflies and a girl in a room decorated with bold blue trains. My suggestion? Turtles!

Here are my favorite turtle finds in the internet baby world:

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A baby’s gotta have a place to sleep, right? This is probably the most non-crunchy, commercially available item on this list. I love that, despite this being blue and green, it’s still surprisingly gender neutral. Leave as is, or accent with a touch of purple for a girl. So cute! (available at Target and JC Penny for about $170 for the 10 piece set)

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Tag blankets are great for security as well as for teaching textures and helping with sensory integration. These are easy enough to make, but if you don’t have the time or inclination, these are readily available via Etsy.com (Etsy.com seller The Posh Bambino)

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These are a touch girly, but the sellers do have more masculine/gender neutral options available as well. These also serve as a great idea of a personalized gift that would take a little effort and some love. My favorite is the turtle with the birds. 🙂 (First two from Etsy.com seller Galerie Anais, Third is from Etsy.com seller Abbys Garden)

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Turtle clothes are easy to find, but few are as cute as this little number. (Etsy.com seller Sgorter)

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And, just in case your baby gets a chilly noggin, there’s this! (Etsy.com seller Charlie Mai)

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You know how I said that few baby bodysuits rival the above turtle one in cuteness? Yeah, well here’s one of the rivals and it comes with a bib! (Etsy.com seller Pretty Pretty Baby)

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Every child needs a first friend and some comfort, right? These Twilight Turtles are absolutely adorable, so soft, and each serve a the same purpose in a different way. The first one uses a removable aroma pouch filled with lavender essential oils to help baby sleep through aromatherapy. The second uses teal, amber, or white light to project light onto the nursery ceiling. It also plays soft music and has a timer to shut off automatically after fifteen minutes. (Available at Babies R Us and other retailers for around $35 each; also come in other animals such as sheep and giraffes)

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Speaking of friends, the Slow Poke Turtle would make a great baby toy as it is free of buttons, snaps, or anything else that could break off and quickly become a choking hazard. (Etsy.com seller Mrowe)

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I am a huge fan of natural wood toys and teethers and this one is just too freaking cute! (Etsy.com seller Dads Wooden Toys)

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This is more a product for the crafty friend/mom, but I had to include it. These little guys can’t be bought, but the pattern to make them can be, and fully plan on making a few turtles (possibly adding a rattle element to one?) for the babe to be. Try to tell me that they’re not absolutely adorable! (Etsy.com seller Yarnabee)

I also hope to figure out how to crochet little turtles (they can’t be that much different from flowers) and make a blanket out of those as well. I advocate that made gifts are better than store bought gifts any day, but for those who are not crafty or who simply do not have the time, definitely check out Etsy.com. They really do have almost anything you could ever want, and everything you’ve never imagine. Plus, it’s never bad to help out the homemade world. 🙂