There are blogs and books and articles and what have you that are all over the real world and the internet that talk about what you should expect when you’re pregnant that they claim no one tells you about. Well, I want to know why it is that no one finds it necessary to tell you what it’s like to want to become a parent so bad that you can feel the tug on your heart, but one line is all that appears on the little stick each month.
Granted, the husband and I have not been trying in the traditional sense. We do not try every day or every other day, we only really try around the time of ovulation, so I’m not horribly surprised. What I am surprised about is simply how much not being pregnant is effecting me emotionally, and how much I find myself resenting people around me that are pregnant.
I spent the evening organizing the stuff in our baby box (which is kind of a misnomer now as it’s evolved into three drawer sets and several storage boxes that are invading our bookshelves), and I realized that the only things I’m missing are a crib, a carseat, and a baby, and that is a defeating feeling. I’m not sure that there are other people in the world that have gone to such lengths to prepare for having a child that was nothing more than a hope, and it makes me feel horribly alone. Add to that the fact that the Hubband is no where near as excited about the possibility of being parents as I am, although I’m sure that has nothing to do with not wanting a child and everything to do with the fact that he’s a very go-with-the-flow type of person.
I feel left out as everyone announces that they are expecting their own child. I feel like a bitch to read that friends from my childhood cannot have children of their own. I’m so torn and I can’t turn it off.